By MAGDALENE NG

JUNE 21 is another Sunday but, for some of us, it's a very special occasion: It's Father's Day.

For many years, my younger sister and I dread the thought of having to buy gifts for Mr K.T. Ng, our father or Ba - be it for Christmas, his birthday or Father's Day.

We always end up buying a shirt.

However, our options are now aplenty, thanks to Ba's self-taught hobby of photography.

We could get him camera accessories such as tripods, soft-focus lenses and picture viewers.

No prize for guessing our choice of gift for this Father's Day - a photo printer.

This annual ritual of getting a gift and eating out as a family has become an obligation for us, and for many others.

Is Father's Day all about gifts for, or, worse, just a celebration with, the first men in our lives?

Do we try to find other ways to show our appreciation or to get to know our fathers?

Blame it on our Asian upbringing: Many of us don't feel close to our fathers.

All my seven brothers-in-law (and my hubby) merely greet their old man upon arriving at the house or before leaving it.

Anything more than that and it would be an enquiry about his health. In the May 26 episode of the local drama Red Thread, the character Justin Kong, played by Julian Hee, loathes the thought of lunching alone with his father.

However, it's in being close to our fathers (besides our mothers) that we'll become complete.

Getting to know our fathers can help us discover ourselves. Besides the genetic make-up, our characteristics, personalities and idiosyncrasies are often inherited.

I benefited from choosing to get close to Ba. Ba is organised, systematic and meticulous, and I have acquired these virtues.

Looking back, I am glad I chose to connect with Ba.

Back in the 1970s, after my mother or Ma became a career woman, the roles that my parents played changed significantly. At that time, few women were successful in their careers.

The dual income allowed our family to enjoy more material things - a second- hand car, dine-out suppers and new clothes.

As a result, Ba's position in the family, while not belittled, was compromised. It was made worse by Ma's short temper.

Verbal exchanges over who paid for what were plentiful.

Maybe it's the perpetual unpleasantness that I witnessed in my teens that caused me to draw closer to Ba almost a decade later.

I understood his viewpoints and empathised with him.

Today, three decades later, I regret not having taken the first step to listen to Ba's grouses earlier, the first step to putting myself in his shoes.

I still listen to Ba and his grumbles.

But I don't mind - he's made me a more patient person.

To this day, I'm still discovering Ba and myself.

myp@sph.com.sg

The writer is assistant manager of Focus Publishing, the contract publishing arm of the Chinese Newspaper Division of Singapore Press Holdings.

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