IT seemed like he had it all. As a senior naval officer, Mr Bennie Tey, 36, had a successful career and a loving family.

But he hid a dark secret: A gambling addiction that nearly destroyed him.

During the 2006 World Cup, he racked up about $370,000 in debts from illegal betting online.

At his lowest point, he wanted to kill himself. But he owes his life to a stranger who asked him to think of his wife and three young children.

Mr Tey eventually turned himself in and sought help for his addiction.

On 2 May, he was released after a six-month jail term in the SAF detention barracks for criminal breach of trust and misconduct.

That same day, he read newspaper reports about gas deliveryman Chen Xiang Li, 41, whose gambling addiction culminated in an attack on his estranged wife and his suicide.

Mr Tey contacted The New Paper to share his story, hoping to reach out to other gambling addicts.

'I want to tell them that they're not alone. You can get help anonymously from fellow addicts - people who've been through it all. Things can change, there's no need to end your life,' he said.

The computer engineering graduate, who attained the rank of Major, had struggled with his addiction for 20 years.

At 16, he was introduced to illegal betting on football, 4D and Toto by relatives, and became a more 'active addict' in the last 10 years.

'It was a constant cycle of winning, losing, desperation, seeking 'bailouts', but I never admitted I had an addiction. Gambling gave me a 'high' that made me feel better.'

He said he had low self-esteem because of a stuttering problem.

From 1998 to 2006, he borrowed $680,000 from his mother to cover his debts. He also had no difficulty borrowing from friends.

Mr Tey said: 'I said I had financial problems, I didn't say it was for my gambling debts.

'People knew I had a bad divorce in 2000 and had to fight for custody of my child so they sympathised with me.

'Later, when my second wife was diagnosed with lupus in 2004, people thought I needed money for her medical bills.'

But as his debts mounted, Mr Tey ended up working for bookies in 2005 by taking online bets.

All this while, he managed to keep up with his day job.

Even as he neared 'rock-bottom', he was given the United States Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Award in 2006 for being the main organiser of a bilateral exercise between Singapore and the US for the past six years.

Then came the 2006 World Cup in which he incurred massive losses.

He owed $120,000 in legal debts to banks and credit card companies and $250,000 to loan sharks.

A former collegue who heard he needed money approached him with a business proposal.

Mr Tey was promised a 150 per cent profit for every $20,000 invested in the business, which had purportedly gained sole distributorship in South-east Asia of a popular religious item. He was to recruit investors from his colleagues.

Mr Tey said: 'I had doubts about my business partner as I heard that he had previously cheated people, but he was my only hope.

'My mother refused to bail me out anymore. She told me she had wound up her business and had nothing left. I tried to convince her to sell her Marine Parade flat, but she refused.'

He raised $97,000 in 'investments', but handed over only $20,000 to his partner.

He used the rest of the money to pay some of his legal debts, hoping to 'roll over' the profit from the $20,000 investment.

But on 10 Jan last year, his suspicions that the business was a scam was confirmed by a colleague who had been conned.

Mr Tey said: 'I was shocked. I thought, 'How do I cope with this on top of my gambling debts?'

'That night, I went up to the seventh floor of a Buddhist lodge, wanting to jump down. I was crying and knocking my head against the wall when a woman I didn't know asked me what was wrong.

'She told me to think of my wife and kids, to be honest and face my problems like a man, and there will be forgiveness.'

After nearly three hours, Mr Tey was persuaded to go home.

He sought help from the Community Addiction Management Programme at the Institute of Mental Health the next day.

He admitted that when he first went for treatment, it was in the hope of 'manipulating a bailout'.

Mr Tey said: 'The key to my change in mindset was my wife's forgiveness of my adultery through the years. I confessed to her as part of my recovery. I had affairs whenever I was on a winning or a losing streak. When I came clean, only my wife stayed by my side, everyone else was disgusted.'

He took three months to 'sober up' and was put on anti-depressants and Valium as he was so 'fearful and guilty', he could not sleep.

On the advice of a gambling addiction counsellor, Mr Tey came clean with his employer and was charged with three counts of criminal breach of trust and misconduct.

He was sentenced on 5 Dec last year to six months in the SAF Detention Barracks.

Mr Tey said: 'The first 43 days were the worst as I got so bored in my cell.'

While he was behind bars, he spent a lot of time reading and reflecting.

'It was a humbling experience as military prison is more regimented than regular prison.'

INSECURE

Yet, even after his release, he admitted that he caved in and spent $2 on 4D.

His excuse? 'I felt insecure and fearful as I know it's hard to find a job with a criminal record. But I know it was one bet too many and I confessed to my counsellor.'

Mr Tey has since applied for 19 jobs but with no luck.

While he was behind bars, a bank filed a writ of seizure against him and an auction of the family's furniture was held in January.

He expects the bank to sue him for bankruptcy soon.

He has enough in his CPF account to pay the monthly instalments for his and his wife's 3-room flat.

Besides going for an aftercare programme at IMH, he recently revived a self-help group, Gamblers Anonymous (GA).

This article was first published in The New Paper on May 22, 2008.