4. Barbarella Posh-Beckham

IF ANYONE can outdo Ris Low in the wannabe- sexy, mangled-English department, it's definitely Barbarella Posh-Beckham. Or is it Barbarella Chantel-Thomas?

In any case, the unabashed SPG from the satirical Channel 5 series The Noose - played by Michelle Chong - has become one of the best-known faces on local TV.

She even has a Facebook fan page and was in a campaign to urge people to quit smoking.

And despite - or perhaps because of - all her twisted r's and l's, she's even hosted the National Day Parade and appeared on the cover of Reader's Digest (an "ang moh magazine", she reminded us).

The "always in her 20s" babe told The New Paper via e-mail that she has the award in the bag.

"Personarly, I think my chances of winning are very high, because number one, I can speaks propel English, the very slang ang moh type, and number two, I have never been fat before," she wrote, referring to Low and Norleena respectively.

Asked if she's done anything to deserve the moniker of babe, she replied: "I wore a red bigini and just jeans and strut down orchard road...what do you means it's been done before??"

Meow!

One wonders if she was taking a jab at the other Babe contenders, but Ms Posh-Beckham is clearly too self-absorbed to think about others.

"If I win Babe Of The Year, I plan to close down our SPGs headquarters at Orchard Towers and move to Resorts World Sentosa, where the High Net Worth Ang Mohs are. Also, it'll be more convenient for us to indulge in our favourite pastime: Bitch Volleyball."

And if she doesn't win?

"I am still waiting for my own show on Channer 5."

Her parting words?

"Please vote for me tanks everybirdy tanks."

This article was first published in The New Paper.