I MET H three years ago through a mutual friend. She is married with three young kids and owns a reasonably profitable business.
I am a successful career-minded man, but have been unhappily married for the last 10 years.
H and I became close friends and she confided that her husband has another woman. But she has to stay married for the sake of her kids.
She is frustrated that he no longer loves her and only returns home as and when he likes. The saving grace is that he still supports the family financially and loves the kids very much.
I share her sentiments as I do not have love and affection from my wife.
As we met almost daily, our love blossomed and we grew intimate. We made passionate love frequently and she became a part of my life. I missed her whenever I was out of town.
I have told H repeatedly that I am willing to wait for her to leave her husband, and marry her and start a family together. But she is afraid to do so because she might lose custody of her kids. So our love has remained a secret.
But of late, she has changed. She no longer enjoys seeing me so much and prefers to lead a very "adventurous" lifestyle. She dresses sexily and parties and drinks until late at night, without me. I don't know where she goes as she will not answer my many phone calls.
I believe she has other boyfriends, whom she has gone to bed with as she has confided to a mutual friend that it so fun to have sex with two men at the same time, especially under the influence of alcohol.
H seems to have abandoned her principal of staying married for her kids. When I confronted her, she admitted to having sex with several other men, purely for sex and also to hit back at her husband.
I am very hurt and jealous because I love her very much. I know it's time to sort out my own domestic affairs and move on. But I'm so emotionally attached to her, I can't let her go. She still makes love to me when I ask, but she is no longer as passionate.
I know this is forbidden love and I have to let go and get on with my life. On one hand, I want to start anew without her. On the other, I'm lost without her. Her smile is still a fortune to me.
IF you had loved H so much, why didn't you divorce your wife and insist on marrying her? If she had loved you as much as you say, why didn't she agree to divorce her husband and marry you?
Her change is extreme and her new adventurous lifestyle does not seem to take her young children into consideration. Having sex indiscriminately with multiple partners, and staying out late on drinking binges reflect badly on her. If she is unhappy in her marriage, there are better options than flaunting her body and offering herself to just any guy.
There are no excuses for her new persona. H has the chance to find love with you but chooses to play it loose and easy. You claim to love her, but you never got out of the comfort zone of having a marriage and an affair.
Will you really settle your own domestic problems, get out of your farce of a marriage and move on if your girlfriend is still there for you?
Don't kid yourself because you are still hoping that you can have your cake and eat it too. However, if you do not have any feelings left for your wife, then be kind and free yourselves from such an unhappy union.
If you love H, then ask her to marry you. Perhaps she has been waiting for you to show that you truly care. But if she is prefers her new-found life, then be prepared to move on.
Sex on the sly is always more thrilling and exciting. But there is no future in lust without love and commitment.
-The Star/Asia News Network