TRIVIAL things cause big trouble. The result: Neighbourliness becomes a casualty.

Topping the lists are grievances caused by personal belongings left indiscriminately in corridors, boisterous families and wet laundry.

Statistics provided by the Community Mediation Centre show that of the 2,878 mediation sessions held since it was set up in 1998, disputes among neighbours accounted for about 53 per cent.

Often, what seems to be the most trivial dispute can stretch over years and escalate to severe animosity.

The 'secret to successful resolution' lies in nipping the spat in the bud.

Senior family counsellor Y K Choo told The New Paper: 'All that the aggrieved party wants is to address that first point of unhappiness.'

And most often, the dispute arises from miscommunication.

Mr Choo said: 'It's really quite simple. People just have to recognise and understand that no two individuals are the same - from different backgrounds to one's lifestyle.'

That and the fact that in Singapore, high-rise living in close proximity is inevitable.

Said a trained CMC mediator: 'Mutual consideration and tolerance are the main keys to a harmonious relationship.'

The CMCs, under the Ministry of Law's Community Development Unit, offer an alternative, informal avenue to resolve community and social disputes.

Said another trained CMC mediator: 'Some of the reported incidents can seem so petty to the uninvolved observer, but it can be significantly disturbing to the parties involved.

'Often, when the root of the problem is finally identified, the parties realise that all would've been fine had they spoken to each other about that first spark of displeasure, instead of allowing it to fester and gnaw at them.'

Instead of taking matters to court, the CMC can help 'build bridges to reconciliation'.

A CMC spokesman said: 'Mediation is best entered into in the early life of a dispute, as opposed to escalating it to the Court, and before it becomes so entrenched that the parties carry emotional baggage.'

LOSE FACE

Madam Chee Song Eng's spat with neighbour went on for years.

Agreeing with that, Mr Choo said: 'Most spats can be resolved amicably and quickly, but when it becomes too long-standing, the parties become too concerned about the loss of 'face' or pride.

'It then hedges on the thought of 'why should I be the one to give way first'?'

The CMC spokesman added: 'It is important to remember that the mediator is not there to take sides or pass judgement.

'He is only there as a facilitator. Ultimately, it is up to both parties when it comes to drawing up an agreement that is mutually satisfying.'

Another CMC mediator added: 'This flexible process that is not restricted to judicial decision, helps to 'restore dignity' and mend the relationship between sparring neighbours.'

First published by The New Paper on Dec 15, 2007.

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