I HAVE decided that in 2009 I will try and find things to do that I enjoy but don't adversely affect or stress me.

You see, in 2008, I tried to get my golf handicap down, which I did but it came with a sore back.

I played more football to get fitter but it gave me a jellied knee.

I went diving and nearly drowned!

So the whole lot is getting binned for the New Year and I ain't stopping there because I will be applying the same principles to football.

Supporting Newcastle United is without question a stressful experience. So from now on, I will be supporting Everton.

No matter what Toffees fans tell me, they are never getting into the Champions League. But equally, they are never going down - so I am happy with that.

I also know they are skint so I don't have any hopes that Kaka will be signed next summer.

And you may not know this, but David Moyes has an ankle tag, usually reserved for criminals (I am not suggesting he is the one ransacking footballers houses on Merseyside) - as a result he is not allowed outside Goodison Park. So the manager isn't leaving either.

Fine by me!

Liverpool fans are worried about whether they will hang on to top spot. Who wants that kind of stress?

Concrete boots

Arsenal fans are worried about whether they will be in the Champions League.

Hull fans are just waiting to be thrown off the Premier League pier with their concrete boots on and Stoke fans are just annoyed with any team that comes to play football against them. It's not the EPL to them, it is the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship)!

Who have I missed? Oh yes, Villa fans are just stressed because Martin O'Neill is stressed.

Fulham players want to know when their discount cards at Harrods will be stopped.

Manchester United are not looking forward to the New Year because that is when most divorces take place and, currently, Cristiano Ronaldo is sleeping in the spare room.

Pompey fans may have to watch the first half of home games from the fruit and vegetable section of the new supermarket that will have to be built on the Fratton Park site.

And Manchester City followers are praying hard for a sharp rise in global oil prices.

Blackburn are wondering if they can double attendances next year to 26 (not including club staff).

West Brom are fretting on whether Tony Mowbray will have enough V-Neck sweaters to last the season, and Spurs just hope that their new 60,000-seater stadium will not be the biggest in the Championship.

At the JJB, the pitch is so bad fans are just waiting for Titus Bramble to score a hat trick - in the back of his own net.

West Ham supporters are busy filling in claim forms to get their money out of the frozen Icelandic banks, and the Chelsea faithful are helping Roman Abramovich sell his super yacht on e-bay so the club remains afloat.

Which, if I am not mistaken, leaves me with Middlesbrough and Bolton.

The Trotters have been fearful ever since Big Sam left so no change there.

And Boro fans just want to know the names of the four 10-year-olds lining up in defence.

Oh, I almost forgot Sunderland (it's easy to do).

Yep, Sunderland fans are just worried about the creature seen in the town centre with just two eyes instead of the usual three!

So, as I settle down to see in the New Year with my beloved bottle of single malt whisky, all I want is a little less stress, world peace and an Everton scarf.

Happy New Year!

The writer is the presenter for Football Channel.