By Maureen Koh

WHEN Hong Kong actor-singer Edison Chen first saw the sex photos of him with several starlets on the Internet, he could not believe it.

In his first full interview since the photo scandal broke in January last year, he told CNN: 'It was like, everything just got sucked out of me.

'And I was like looking and I was like, wow, this is so, where, what, when, how?'

And his thoughts flew straight to the people around him.

He said: 'Confusion, like what to do... Oh my God, my family. Oh my God, my girlfriend. Oh my God, my career. Oh my God, the girl(s).'

And the final thought that hit him: 'Oh, the press is going to have a field day.'

Edison, 28, recalled that fateful day when everything unravelled into the messy scandal that saw his career spiral downwards.

He said: 'Someone called me, I was sleeping in the morning. (He asked) Did you check the Internet yet? You should go check the Internet.'

When he saw pictures of himself with actresses Cecilia Cheung, Gillian Chung, Bobo Chan, Rachel Ngan and his girlfriend, Vincy Yeung, Edison was stunned.

He said: 'I don't even know how to put that feeling in words.'

Forgiven

To him, it seemed like a never-ending nightmare, which started with just a few photos being uploaded, followed by more.

In the end, about 800 of the 1,300-plus pictures he took made their way online.

Edison said: 'It was like a nightmare that never ended, it never ended.

'I'd go to bed and I'd pray, I'd pray, that please, God, please people, last day, please today. I'd do anything...'

But suicide, he said, was never an option.

'I'm not the person to ever commit suicide,' said Edison.

'I think committing suicide is giving up on the people who love you. At that moment, I had so many who cared for me.'

Edison also said he has forgiven computer technician Dicky Sze Ho Chun for stealing the pictures from his computer hard drive.

'The way I feel about him today and the way I felt about him eight months ago is totally different,' he said.

'He's going to jail... he's doing what he needs to do to redeem himself.'

Edison also believed the act of putting the pictures on the Internet was 'purposely done' to hurt him, especially since he was not blackmailed for money.

He said: 'I don't exactly know if the person who stole the photos and distributed it and put it on the Internet is the same person...

'It was a malicious act... (because) no money was involved.'

Edison also admitted that being a young celebrity contributed to his mistake of taking such photos.

He said: 'When you are young, you do a lot of things you don't quite comprehend, it's fun, you do, you don't think about the outcome.

'When you are a celebrity, and you're this and that, I think, maybe you go overboard a little bit.

'I went a little too overboard, a little too wild.'

But Edison said the photos were mostly taken four years ago.

He said: 'I was in a serious relationship at that time, my first serious relationship. I was in love.'

He said he had told girlfriend Vincy about the photos and she had asked him to delete them - which he did.

But six months later, his computer broke down and his assistant sent it for repairs.

It was then that he found out that deleting the photos did not mean they were gone forever.

Edison said: 'I had no idea that there was such thing before. I thought if I put it in the trash bin and said empty trash bin, then it's gone, forever. But no, it wasn't.'

Meanwhile, Cecilia, who had been the first of the victims to lash out at Edison, has accepted his apology.

She had earlier called him a hypocrite and a liar in an interview with i-Cable TV for not contacting her when the scandal broke.

Following CNN's release of the excerpt of the interview, Cecilia told Hong Kong reporters on Tuesday that she has yet to watch the interview.

But she said: 'I accept it. Whether it (the apology) has come early or late is not important. It's fine.

'What's most important is that it's from the heart. I'm also happy to hear him say it.'

Photos of a topless Edison with fake scars on his back also surfaced on Tuesday.

The pictures, which showed him in handcuffs to reflect his repentance, were shot for the latest issue of WestEast, a men's fashion magazine in Hong Kong.

Edison also gave an interview to the magazine because he is good friends with its publisher, Mr Kevin Lee, a model who has worked with him.

The photos, taken in Japan, are meant to depict his trauma over the past year, with the fake scars symbolising his pain.

This article was first published in The New Paper.