By Chong Shin Yen

THE couple were watching television when their autistic son, who was lying on a mattress in the living room, suddenly had a temper tantrum.

Before his parents could react, Koh Ying Jun, 20, walked to a wall and banged his head hard against it repeatedly.

They rushed over to pull him back. But it was too late.

By then, Ying Jun had smashed his head against the wall four times.

He slipped into unconsciousness as his mother, Madam Neo Sock Cheng, cradled him in her arms.

Ying Jun was taken to hospital with a brain haemorrhage and died seven hours later.

The tragedy on Monday has shattered Madam Neo's life, which for the past 20 years had revolved around her only child.

He could walk and handle some basic tasks, but could talk very little, using only a few words.

The housewife had become so attuned to her son's needs that a slight body movement or a little gesture from him was all she needed to know exactly what was on his mind.

Yet, Madam Neo told The New Paper on Wednesday that she had no idea why Ying Jun lost his temper that night.

It was around 7pm and the family of three had just eaten their dinner.

Madam Neo, 54, and her husband were on a sofa watching TV while Ying Jun lay on a mattress.

"He suddenly threw a tantrum and we couldn't react in time. The sound of his head hitting the wall was so loud," she said in Mandarin.

By the time she held Ying Jun in her arms, he was unconscious.

"His body twitched a little but he did not respond when we called out to him," said Madam Neo.

"I touched his head and felt a big bump on the left side."

His parents called for an ambulance and Ying Jun was taken to the National University Hospital.

They kept vigil by his bedside but he did not regain consciousness and died at 2.40am.

Ying Jun was cremated that evening.

Rewarding

At their three-room Teck Whye flat, Madam Neo proudly showed the albums of photographs she had taken of her son over the years.

She said that being the mother of an autistic child was both challenging and rewarding.

Sobbing, Madam Neo recalled how Ying Jun had called her his mother for the first time when he was 18 years old.

"That was two years ago. He called out 'Ma' twice when I was cooking in the kitchen.

"I was so happy that I rushed over and hugged him."

Ying Jun had studied at the Movement for the Intellectually Disabled of Singapore (Minds), a non-governmental organisation that caters to the intellectually disabled.

Over the years, Ying Jun showed improvements in learning, and could eat and bathe without much help.

But he could not manage going out on his own and took the school bus.

The biggest problem the doting parents had with him was his inability to control his temper.

Madam Neo said that Ying Jun often threw tantrums for no reason.

He would flail his arms, stamp his feet and shout at the top of his voice.

"When he was young, we were able to calm him down. But in recent years, he'd grown so tall and strong that we were unable to restrain him sometimes," she said.

"There were occasions when he disturbed our neighbours with his stamping and we had no choice but to tie up his hands and feet and lock him in the room to calm down."

Madam Neo said that one day last August, Ying Jun lay on the floor and refused to go to school.

So she decided to let him be and he had stayed at home since.

Despite his age, Ying Jun could not do many things that most other children take for granted.

Madam Neo, whose 58-year-old husband works as a lorry driver, had to be with her son all the time.

"He never left my side. I would be with him from the time he woke up to the time he slept," she said.

She relied on Ying Jun's body language and facial expressions to understand his needs.

"Every little action he made, I would know what he wanted," Madam Neo said as she demonstrated how Ying Jun would tap his mouth when he was hungry.

"He would tap his head if he wanted to bathe.

"If he wanted to go out, he would clasp his hands at chest level.

"When he started turning in circles, I knew he was throwing a tantrum and would have an outburst soon."

What Ying Jun enjoyed most was going for joyrides in his father's lorry. During those trips, father and son would be gone for as long as two hours.

"He recognised the way home, and would point (in a different direction) to indicate to his dad that he did not want to go home yet," she said.

Showing pictures of Ying Jun as a toddler, Madam Neo said there were no signs then that he was not normal.

"He hardly spoke but I thought that was because he was a late developer," she said.

When the boy was about 3, his parents realised something was wrong. He would not make eye contact with them when they spoke to him.

They took him to a polyclinic for a check-up and were referred to a specialist at the Singapore General Hospital.

It was subsequently confirmed that Ying Jun was autistic.

But Madam Neo and her husband patiently taught Ying Jun basic things like how to bathe and wear his shoes, even if they had to repeat the same things every day.

"I'm his mother, no matter what flaws or disabilities my child had, I never once gave up on him," she said.

"It had been an extremely trying task all these years, but I had managed to bring him up to adulthood.

"Now he's gone just like that."

chongsy@sph.com.sg

WHAT IS AUTISM

Autism is a lifelong brain development disorder for which there is no cure.

It affects a person's ability to interact and communicate.

Signs of autism include a lack of eye contact and a lack of responding, which usually appear before a child is 3 years old.

It is more common among boys than girls.

There is still no conclusive evidence that points to a single cause, but some research has shown that it is genetic.

This article was first published in The New Paper.