By Ng Tze Yong

WEDDING days are about the fun of gate-crashing, the solemnness of rituals, and the pomp and romance of the march-ins.

But long after the guests leave, many also end with a punch-drunk groom hugging a toilet bowl (instead of his bride) into the wee hours of the morning. Drunk grooms are commonplace - and seemingly accepted - in our culture.

But many do seem to feel uneasy, deep down inside, about this drinking culture at weddings.

When Mr Vernon Leong was found dead at the driveway of Hilton Hotel on Wednesday morning just hours after his wedding, the first question on many people's lips was: Was he drunk?

All indications so far point to him being sober.

So why does the cruel question persist?

Is it because the drinking culture at weddings is something we don't do anything about, even though we feel we should?

When drinking is presented as a good-natured challenge, a testament to a friendship, or affirmation of gratitude, it can be hard to wave off, especially on your big day.

For by-standers, it's easier to turn a blind eye.

We don't want to be labelled a party-pooper and step on toes: Who knows what that toast is meant for?

Last but not least, who knows whether the groom really doesn't want to get flat-on-his-face drunk?

But, grooms being grooms, are probably too busy or nervous to think about nice cold beers.

They're more like hapless babes.

Nobody dares to touch the brides at weddings. But grooms are fair game, to be "tekan" from the gate-crashing at dawn to the after-party in the bridal suite. ("Tekan" is slang for " ill-treat")

Perhaps, it has to do with the warped sense of camaraderie forged from getting someone drunk, then taking care of them.

When your pal's puking on the kerb outside the club, and you're the one taking care of him as a crowd looks on, somehow, you feel a strange sense of purpose.

He ain't drunk. He's my brother.

But I've never understood it. I love a pint from time to time, for a clink of the glasses can say things words cannot, especially for men.

But getting drunk is something else altogether. I mean, it's not even something you can remember doing later on.

And if the purpose of drinking is to drown your sorrows, why do it on the happiest day of your life?

If the purpose is to celebrate, how does lying in a puddle of puke in your costly (and rented) suit count as a joyous occasion?

At my own wedding next week, there will be every reason to stay sober.

I'm looking forward to catching up with old friends and meeting colleagues away from the pressure cooker of the newsroom. I'll want to put on my best for my family and in-laws.

As for hugging the toilet bowl, surely that can wait.

I'll be cleaning the toilet for years to come anyway.

This article was first published in The New Paper.