By Andre Yeo

SHE lived in deceit, working as a maid while selling her body on the side.

Then the Filipina became pregnant - and began living in denial.

She tried to hide her pregnancy with tight-fitting clothes. She starved herself so she would not be exposed.

Her baby girl was deprived of nutrition and, as a result, developed kidney failure and had to undergo surgery.

The baby also suffered brain damage, and ended up in the care of volunteers at The Sanctuary House.

Mr Noel Tan, 39, founder and programme director of the shelter, has seen too many of such heartbreaking cases.

The Sanctuary House is Singapore's only charity shelter for babies who are abandoned, abused or given up for adoption.

Mr Tan is becoming alarmed by the growing number of babies left at the shelter.

The number has more than doubled almost every year from 2005whenthehomeopened.

It took in three babies that year.

This year, in the first 10 months alone, 46 babies were abandoned or given up for adoption, equal to the combined total of the previous years.

In the maid's case, Mr Tan said her employers didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth.

She had labour pains at their home and had to check herself into a hospital. Both mother and child were eventually repatriated to the Philippines.

Other cases, too, often have similar sad endings.

Mr Tan cited a case of a teenager who had been raped by her father and gave birth. The House is caring for the baby while the case is being resolved.

Some of the babies were left at hospitals by mothers on drugs or fathers who did not want them. (See report at right). Some were born to teenagers and foreign domestic workers.

Others had mothers who had kids with different men. One child was suspected to have HIV and was sent back to Indonesia.

Mr Tan , who had previously worked in the oil industry as an operations manager, set up the House with some friends.

He has two boys and two girls, aged between 1 and 12. His wife is a homemaker.

There are many reasons why babies are abandoned and given up for adoption, he said.

These reasons range from parents not being able to afford to raise a child, to unwed teenage mothers who do not have family support.

He said some babies abandoned at hospitals were left by mothers who could not afford to pay the hospital bill, let alone raise a child.

"In a state of panic or disorientation, they leave the baby behind as they feel it would be safer to abandon the child there than on the streets."

Mr Tan said most of the children who are brought to his shelter are newborns.

About a fifth of the children there are between 1.5 and 10 years old.

Not just unwed teen mums

Mr Tan added that when people talk about abandoned babies, they think it's usually by an unwed teenage mother.

But, he said, teens make up only a quarter of those who give up their children.

Many see no other option.

"If they had the money or the means," said Mr Tan, "they wouldn't do it. People are too quick to judge them.

"They don't realise the pain and trauma they go through to have to give up their children."

Some women do so because they are pressured by their husbands or boyfriends.

This has become another worrying trend, he said. "We are seeing an increase in the number of husbands abandoning their families. They have affairs or have a second family overseas.

"So they abandon their families here. Now, you have a new single mum with two to four kids. And because they are single mums,they do not get support."

His shelter sends babies to more than 40 foster parents. At least half of them are expatriates.

They care for the kids for periods ranging from a few weeks to several years, until adoptive parents are found or the biological parents return.

Many of the expats have had experience as foster parents in their own countries, said Mr Tan.

The shelter needs around $200,000 a year to function. The money usually comes from donors who also give milk powder, diapers, cots and wet wipes, among other things.

So how do you stem the trend of more babies being abandoned? Mr Tan said he doesn't have the answer.

What he does know is that it is caused partly by people who are not prepared to be parents.

He said: "I don't look at it as abandonment or not abandonment.

"I look at it as these families not being ready to be families.

"All of this stuff is common sense. To deal with your kids and talk to them is not rocket science."

This article was first published in The New Paper.

andrey@sph.com.sg