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Sunday, May 18, 2014

Malaysia, Mailbox

Dear Thelma: "I'm tired of being the messenger when my parents fight"

The Star/ANN | Sunday, May 18, 2014

I'm tired of being a messenger. What I mean by this is that I'm tired of being around my parents. Please don't get me wrong, they are very loving parents. But there are times when they are cold to each other due to some minor argument or other. It is during these times that they choose not to talk or look at each other. Then, my younger siblings and I are expected to help them "pass messages" to each other.

It doesn't happen everyday. But it is occurring more and more often. They would both flare up due to some small matter and not talk to each other for days. They would then accuse each other (and the children) of things they didn't do. They would spout profanities at each other and even badmouth the other person.

My younger siblings and I have become their victims. We hear them every time, we see them argue, and there is nothing we can do to stop them.

I have tried listening to their problems, but it seems to be getting worse. The arguments have now come to the point where they are even thinking of divorcing each other.

That's what scares us the most. I don't know what to do if that really happens. I have no means of supporting my siblings just yet as I'm still in school. Please advise me. What should I do? - The Tired Messenger

Thelma: Firstly, it's the parents' job to parent and not yours. It is not your duty to worry about them arguing or fighting. It is hard when you are a child and have to witness these incidents. But, you have to understand that it is the adults who should find the solutions for these problems.

It is understandable that you are concerned about yourself and your siblings. But, why would you be thinking about supporting yourself and your siblings? I'm sorry to hear that your parents are thinking about divorce, but whatever the case, it is fairly certain that your welfare will be their priority.

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