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Eveline Gan
Young Parents
Sunday, Jun 22, 2014

SPH Magazines

When the bough breaks

Young Parents | Eveline Gan | Sunday, Jun 22, 2014

She miscarried three babies in 11 months, but she still hopes for a visit from the stork. 

Every mum remembers the first time she cradled her baby and the whirlwind of emotions that followed - overwhelming joy mixed with a tinge of fear and a primal instinct to protect.

Felicia Tan recalls that when she held her babies, it was to watch them die.

In a span of 11 months, the graphic designer conceived and miscarried twice while in her second trimesters.

Born too early at 23 and 21 weeks respectively, baby Dominic and twin brothers Elvis and Louis didn't survive their premature births.

Both time Felica, 36, delivered them naturally. But what made it more shocking and painful was that they were still alive at birth.

Choking back tears during this interview, she recalls the helplessness she felt as she witness her tiny ones - each the size of her palm - taking their last breaths.

With their eyelids still fused together, the babies had passed away without seeing their mum's face.

"At their gestational ages, I thought they'd be dead by the time they were delivered. But I saw that they were still moving and taking very shallow, slow breaths.

It hurts so much that I couldn't do anything to save them," says Felicia, who has penned two books, To Baby with Love and Lost and Found, detailing her experience.

 

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