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T. Jeyathesan
Saturday, Jun 28, 2014

Sports, Asian Opinions

Oh, bite me!

The New Paper | T. Jeyathesan | Saturday, Jun 28, 2014

A Suarez biting meme.

Fifa should put its money where its mouth is when it comes to Luis Suarez. I mean the man's bite is worse than his bark. Wouldn't you agree, il mio amico (my friend)?

There, I have gone and made the Liverpool man hungry by sandwiching two trite phrases between some Italian.

Well, you have to admit the Liverpool man does have an appetite for game. It's the third time he's turned the beautiful game into a bountiful one by sinking his teeth into Italy's Giorgio Chiellini in a Group D match yesterday morning.

PERSONAL BUFFET

Fifa should really think out of the box on this one and do it fast before the Uruguayan turns the game into his personal buffet.

So in the interest of game (sports not food) I have come up with some new football rules to assist them.

But before I do that I must urge Fifa not to be afraid to implement my suggestions - a football body is not a real body so it is safe from El Moutho.

And now on to my suggestions.

Firstly I would urge Fifa to make mouth guards a must for Suarez and any other footballer who takes his cue from a piranha. Just look at the rugby players. They wear mouth guards to protect their teeth.

Only with Suarez, they'd protect us from his.

And think of the advertising revenue such guards might bring. Emblazoned on each guard can be a company's name so every time a player yells at a referee, the company gets a plug.

So when the player says: "Aaargh! You #$&@$, ref!" All you'll see is "BUY X XXXX SOMETHING AND GET ANOTHER FREE".

That means nearly every free-kick and if there's a penalty - jackpot.

And now that Poker brand 888 said it was reviewing its sponsorship deal with Suarez, the man himself might not be too difficult to persuade.

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