By Joanne Lee, Straitstimes.com Editor

I WAS shocked when I read the story about two weeks ago: A truck driver in London had stabbed his wife to death because she had changed her Facebook status to 'single'. He was sentenced to life in jail.

Apparently, Wayne Forrester was humiliated by his estranged wife Emma's update on the social networking site four days after he moved out of their home.

She had apparently changed two fields in her Facebook profile. First, under the 'relationship status', she had cancelled her relationship with her husband, changing her profile information from 'married to Wayne Forrester' to 'single'.

News articles reported her saying she was looking to meet new people, probably ticking either the 'looking for dating' or 'looking for a relationship' box. It is not known if she also ticked 'interested in men'. These would have appeared, very prominently, under her name in her profile, and would have been published on the news feed to all her friends.

It was all too much for her 34-year-old husband who first called her parents and complained about her Facebook entry which he said 'made her look like a fool'. Still upset, he then proceeded to get drunk and high on cocaine the next day, then took a meat cleaver and kitchen knife to their marital bed and hacked at his sleeping wife's head and neck.

In his defence, he said: 'I loved Emma and felt totally devastated and humiliated about what she had done to me.'
Googling 'Facebook murder' after I read about the Forrester crime, I was aghast to find a similar tragedy reported in May this year. A 41-year-old in Yorkshire, Gary Grinhaff, had murdered his wife Tracey before killing himself after she updated her Facebook to say she was 'currently splitting' from him.

Rubbing salt into his wound, she'd added: 'Been married for 16 years but together for 26!!!!! God that makes me sound old.' Again, the online announcement proved to be too much for the electrical engineer's manhood and his subsequent actions left his two young daughters orphans.

Apart from confirming gender stereotypes - that men cannot abide any blow to their pride and women simply must tell people everything that happens to them - the two cases speak volumes about how social networking sites are fast becoming the main stage for people to conduct their relationships - both wooing and warring.

Crimes of passion, of course, defy all rational behaviour and are, thankfully, few and far between. Still, relationships seem increasingly to be played out on stages too big for comfort.

Take these two girls I know. The object they were being possessive over was, inevitably, a guy. One was his ex-girlfriend of many years, and the other was his current girlfriend of just a year or so. Given their overlapping social circles, they were on each other's friends list and could access each other's profiles.

The current girlfriend would post lovey-dovey pictures of her courtship and update her status with provocative lines that 'ABC is so in love with XYZ' or 'ABC is blown away by how sweet XYZ is' - all designed to stir envy in the ex.

The ex, in turn, would update her status with lines like 'DEF can't believe how insecure some people can be' or 'DEF has moved on and really doesn't care about her leavings'.

Mind you, they're both in their late-20s and not usually given to such primary school behaviour. It was amusing to read, but sad to witness.

Meanwhile, another guy I know who was dumped by his girlfriend would update his status with enigmatic and morose lines like 'Joe the Plumber wonders if life is worth it after all' or 'Joe the Plumber is going to drink himself into oblivion tonight'.

Obviously his ex-girlfriend felt guilty about quitting the relationship and called us all for advice on what to do as she still cared about his well-being. Talk about emotional blackmail.

Then there was another friend who had dated a guy for just two weeks when she received an invitation from him to declare their relationship on Facebook. Freaked out by his enthusiasm, she stopped going out with him immediately.

But it's not only romantic relationships that get people riled up. Friendships are also affected.

An old classmate told of a falling-out with a relative who suffered from a case of sour grapes based on her status updates. She is a stay-at-home mum with a well-heeled husband. Her relative took umbrage at her comfortable lifestyle and things went downhill thereafter.

So given all that can go wrong with these troublesome one-liners, why do we still insist on updating them? Simply put, it's to tell the world (those on our friends list anyway) what's happening in our lives and elicit a reaction from them.

To be less sanguine about it, we do so to show off - especially if we are 'in Europe for a two-week holiday' or are 'in the money despite the scary falls on Wall Street overnight'.

As in all things, there are dos and don'ts. For example, do be funny and witty. My update yesterday, for example, was: 'Joanne is ironing her clothes with her hair straightener while the maid is on holiday.' This prompted the comment: 'At least you're not straightening your hair with an iron.'

On the flip side, don't be too prolific lest you give the impression you have no life. And an obvious lesson from the Facebook murder files: Don't try to make your partner jealous, you are just risking fatal consequences.

Hopefully, no one would feel incensed enough to murder me based on my abuse of beauty implements.

This article was first published in The Straits Times on Nov 1, 2008.

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