By Genevieve Jiang

SHE was intoxicated the night her youngest son suddenly fell sick.

So when the 9-year-old boy, who was suffering from asthma, told Madam Noraini Selamat he was not feeling well, she ignored him.

Recalled Madam Noraini: 'He was playing with his bike when he stopped and said, 'Mum, I think I need to go to hospital.' He wasn't gasping for breath, so I ignored him.

'It was only later, when he suddenly started gasping, lying on his father's lap and crying for help, that we realised the danger he was in.'

Little Almarhum Muhammad Afiq collapsed in his father's arms and was rushed to Changi General Hospital. But he could not be saved. He died on 16Apr last year.

The child's death threw the family into turmoil.

Madam Noraini, 41, a housewife, and her husband, Mr Budi Segara Othman, 43, said they were too depressed to work for more than a year after the boy's death. They ran up debts of several thousand dollars.

Since the middle of last year, the couple have also been seeking treatment at the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) for depression.

The couple have another son, aged 18. And Madam Noraini is filled with guilt.

She said: 'I am not a good mother. I neglected him. I was not around for this family and have been too preoccupied with my own affairs.'

They now want to share their story. Why? To get some help and purge the skeletons in their closet.

The family's troubles started about a year before their youngest boy's death, when Madam Noraini had an extra-marital affair, which Mr Budi discovered.

Said Mr Budi: 'We were fighting a lot, almost every other day. Things often got violent. We would throw things at each other, and once I hit her.

'Often, we fought in front of the kids.'

At the time, Madam Noraini was working as an airport security screening officer, earning about $1,800. Mr Budi was a driver, earning about $1,500.

Mr Budi said it was the second time he had caught his wife having an affair. The first time was in 2002.

He said: 'After the first time it happened, she promised not to do it again and things settled down.

'But when it happened a second time, it was very hard for me to forgive again.'

Because of their marital problems, Madam Noraini was often not home.

But it is their son's death which haunts the couple.

Said Mr Budi: 'My wife and I were both too consumed by our own problems. I cannot forget my son, lying in my lap, begging me to help him.

'And I could do nothing to save him.'

A glass cabinet in the family's living room has been transformed into a shrine in memory of their late son.

The cabinet is filled with toy cars he used to play with, his favourite Game Boy cartridge, his drawings and writings, and photographs, including one of his dead body.

Afiq's green haversack - filled with packs of asthma medicine and several inhalers - is what Madam Noraini keeps close to her these days. The boy had carried the bag with him wherever he went.

Three days after his death, Madam Noraini told Mr Budi she wanted a divorce.

Said Mr Budi: 'I was really angry because whenever things go wrong, she would bring up divorce as a way out. She doesn't think about our other two kids. We need to be strong for them.'

After Afiq's death, Madam Noraini was plunged into depression and left her job.

The resentment and blame the couple felt towards each other led to even more fights.

They said they even resorted to taking up personal protection orders against each other.

Madam Noraini started seeking treatment at IMH in July last year for depression. Mr Budi started his treatment at IMH the following month.

Mr Budi did not find work for more than a year and survived by borrowing money from a relative.

EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE: Mr Budi & his wife still blame each other for Afiq's death. Behind him is their 15-year-old daughter.

Found a job

It was only in August this year that Mr Budi found a job as a truck driver, taking home about $1,000. He has since been trying to repay the money that he owes.

He still owes Singapore Power about $430 for utilities and more than $5,000 in mortgage payments to HDB. The family has been living in a four-room flat in Sengkang for 11 years. In their living room is a flat-screen television - more than 40 inches wide - and a sound system.

Madam Noraini claimed that Mr Budi had picked up the discarded equipment years ago, when he worked as a mover.

They have sought help from the Punggol East Citizens Consultative Committee, which recently gave them $300 for their utilities. These days, Mr Budi tries to budget $150 for utilities, $100 for transport and the rest of his pay for his family's groceries and other necessities.

Their eldest son, who is waiting to enter national service, is also working, as a baggage carrier at the airport on an ad-hoc basis, earning about $100 a month.

Money problems aside, the couple are still struggling with their emotional baggage. It's not easy, they find, to get life back on an even keel.

When The New Paper visited the couple at home, there were several times when they turned on each other, raising their voices and blaming each other for their son's death.

Said Mr Budi: 'I just want to pick up the pieces and move on from here. Hopefully, our family can get back on our feet soon.'

Their hope lies not just in personal salvation but in the belief that sticking together as a family will ultimately see them through.

This article was first published in The New Paper on Dec 10, 2008.